Effin' rights!

Uhh...hahaha I don't know how this happened, but apparently the picture has been uploaded numerous times.

Ok, so here's the scoop on the life and times of Janelle as of today...On Friday, after I purchased the new black dress, I decided I should have a celebratory drink. I called up one of my co-workers and went over to her house and we got into the vodka...I am not allowed to drink vodka. After 2 slightly strongish drinks, I was toasted. I should have called it a night and gone home...but did I? Of course not!! I allowed myself to be dragged to the shitty Corrall where I drank more vodka, and then threw some tequila into the mix. I almost got in a fight with some chick in the bathroom, and then avoided the bathroom for the rest of the evening.

All was going alright (except for me throwing some strip aerobics moves into my dancing), until I spotted the serious hottie smiling at me from the bar. I staggered over and I'm sure we talked about stuff...what we discussed I couldn't say. After a few more (unnecassary) drinks, Mr.McHottie said he'd give us a ride home because he'd only had a few beers. We dropped the other girl off, and then proceeded to the nearest store to buy chocolate and Gatorade. After a romantic snack time, I said it was time for me to go inside and watch Grey's Anatomy (because I'm addicted to it) and he said he wanted to come too. I told him he could, but no funny stuff...unless the funny stuff was jokes. We ended up watching some Will Ferrell and cuddling and sleeping in...then, when it was time for him to get up and go to work (and time for me to work on curing my killer hangover) he did the unthinkable...he asked for my number. And I, having a lapse in judgement, gave him the REAL one. Well boys and girls, guess what happened...the fucker didn't call. See, I wouldn't care, except for the fact that he ASKED for it...so why ask for a number if you aren't going to dial it with your phone? And why is it that it's always the guys you DON'T want calling you who call?

So now I'm left feeling stupid, especially since I know better (Hello...they don't call me little miss Jaded for nothing) and wishing that I didn't care. It's just that he's 34...and you'd think by 34 he'd be over the games bit...oh shit...maybe he's married? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. There are no Albertans over the age of 25 who aren't married. Unless they are divorced.

Oh shit...what have I done?

*but seriously, why didn't he call?*

To be or not to be...

Good morning boys and girls!

I'd just like to start off today by saying "Thank Jeebus it's Friday!" This week has been nothing short of stressful and horrid. The wost part, by far, is that the new Beta system wouldn't let me log on most of the time. I'm hoping they've fixed that because it ruins my life.

So...now that we have that out of the way...some of you may know that I have terrible luck with the whole 'dating' thing. The truth is, I hate it. Sometimes I think it would be fun to date...and then I do it and I remember why it is that I despise it. I have considered taking the lesbian route, only to recall that while I do find women attractive, they just don't do it for me in the sexual sense. I have been wracking my brain, trying to find a solution to my "sometimes being single is lonely/dating is a waste of my time" dilemma, and so far I have not come up with any concrete plan.

The thing is...I actually like being single a lot of the time. I get to do what I want, when I want, however I want to. I can eat crackers for dinner, drink a bottle of wine, and watch the entire first season of Grey's Anatomy in one evening. I can have a Sex and the City marathon for an entire weekend...and I can wrap myself up in all of the blankets and not worry about someone else being cold. I can flirt, give out fake phone numbers, and dress up just for me. No one ever tells me that I'm falling short of their standards...because I have no one else's standards to live up to. When I look at it that way, I wonder why I'd ever want to be in a relationship. But after a few years of this style of life, it gets boring.

What I really want is this:

Although maybe a slightly less anorexic looking guy. Sometimes a girl needs a little romance...

This leads to my next question...can you have romance by yourself? Is cooking a fancy dinner and eating it by candle light alone considered romance? How about a bubble bath with candles? I just don't find it to be the same...but on the other hand, I know better than to expect things like that from the guys I date...maybe I'm just dating the wrong guys?

Maybe I should just get to work and not worry about it. Some people aren't meant to be in relationships...and I think I might just be one of them.

What a complete waste of my time...

Today I woke up at 5 am...I did my Carmen Electra Strip Aerobics twice...I went to work and climbed the 6 flights of stairs up to my office. I filled out paperwork. I went to our meeting and volunteered to help out with the answering of the phones on the 15th. I was tired most of the day because of my early morning and lack of sleep the night before. I hung out with a few clients. I got a phone call that there was a message for me.

A client said she had an "emergency" and needed to see a doctor right away. I picked her up and we went to the Emergency room. This was at 3:30 this afternoon. It is now 11:38 pm. We spent almost 8 hours in that god forsaken place...and do you know what the end result was? The BIG "emergency" was that she had gotten her period. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Now I'm all wired because I've been awake for so long...and because I'm overtired. I have developed a nervous twitch. The only good part is that I am claiming 7 hours of overtime for this bullshit. That's 7 hours of doubletime...motherfuckers.

I just took 3 gravol...hopefully the knock me out until at least 7 am. If I wake up at 5 again I'm gonna lose it...lose myself in the music the moment I want it I'll never ever let it go. Yeah. Janelle'n'M. That's me. I have a meeting with the above mentioned client's therapist tomorrow morning at 8:30. I'm gonna tell her all about the shenanigans of the evening, and demand a medal for sticking around the entire time and NOT spazzing at the end. Then I have to pick up my client at 11:45 tomorrow morning to take her up to the office. Hopefully I can find it in myself to speak to her or look her in the eye. Without poking her eye out with a chopstick, of course.

Yay!! More bitching from me! I promise, one of these days it will be a happy-go-lucky blog. Unless of course I get my period and need to go to the fucking emergency room. WHO DOES THAT!?!?!!?

This kid knows where it's at! I fucking love coloring too.

Panic Attacks are FUN!

Hello my faithful readers!!

Today is December the 4th...it's a Monday. Mondays are always exciting, but todays is exceptionally horrid. I have been suffering from either heart attacks or panic attacks. I prefer to think they are panic attacks, because I would like to think I'm not unhealthy enough or old enough for heart attacks just yet.

Life is quite stressful (again) at this time. Tomorrow is the last time of my temporary extension at work...my boss told me it would be continued on, but how long can I do this for? I want to be a permanent employee...I don't want to have to stress right out every month! Right now it's extremely stressful because Christmas is coming, I had to get the heat fixed twice, and I'm completely broke. I am just hoping I'll have enough money to get home for Christmas. I need a financial planner. And to win the lottery. That would be awesome.

I think I'll actually have to get another part time job on top of my regular job...I don't really want to, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. Maybe I'll make some new friends if I get another one. I think friends would be good right now...lots and lots of friends.

Anyways, I gotta get back to work. There is an open house at the AISH office today...AISH is income support for those who are unable to work due to a handicapp. I get to go meet everyone who works there...apparently that would be good for my job.

Thanks for letting me bitch.

Holy Crap I'm freezing!

So, I wake up this morning and I find it a little chilly in my condo. I get up to start the day the Carmen Electra way and I realize that I can't actually feel my toes or fingers. This is strange, seeing as usually when I wake up my body is warm and feeling pretty good after a hard night's sleep. Today on the other hand, was completely different. It was like Saturday morning, when I woke up and froze my nuts off.

Once again, I call the Condo Association asking for someone to come and fix my heat. Unlike Saturday though, no one showed up within the hour. I called at 7 this morning, and it is now almost 1 pm and there is still no one here to turn on my heat. I'm soooooooooooo cold...the kittens are freezing (and insist on sleeping on my neck whenever I lie down). Hopefully this guy shows up soon, because I'm worried that the pipes will burst if they freeze all the way through. (And no, that is not in reference to my female pipes, which are working just fine thankyouvermuch) Oh yeah, and the thermostat has decided to stop registering the temperature. I'm assuming it's doing this to prevent me from getting depressed about the lack of heat...or maybe it just doesn't go this low. I'm wearing 2 t-shirts, a long sleeved t-shirt, a hoodie and a big thick knitted sweater right now. I'm tempted to throw on a toque, a scarf, another pair of socks (over my 2 pairs and slippers that I'm currently wearing) and some long johns. Some mittens would be good as well, although I realize it's difficult to type in mittens.

Ok, time to crawl back under the covers to preserve what's left of the body heat.

I'm going to be completely honest with you...

I think I might be a wee bit lonely.

So Tuesday was the big day...thank you to everyone who remembered. Bite my ass to those of you who didn't. I celebrated by drinking a little, eating some cake, and opening some gifts. Oh yeah, and I cooked myself dinner, and ate it by myself. Depressing...yes. Delicious...of course.

I'm 24 now...time for me to get my shit together? I think not. Today is Sunday, and so I did the usual Sunday things...went shopping with Nicole, ate some lunch, came home, had a nap. Then after my nap I got up, went to the store, came home, baked a cake and dyed my hair. I didn't realize that I was actually lonely until a few moments ago when I took the cake out of the oven. I noticed how excellent my house smelled, how great my hair was going to look, how cute my kittens were...and the fact that I sleep alone every night. I have no one to share the cake with, no one to show my hair to, and no one to make my kittens attack. Woe is me.

Now, back to normal Janelle. I can't possibly be lonely for more than an hour. Let's face it, guys eat more than girls, so if I had a guy here, he would eat more than half of the cake all by himself. Also, I don't feel comfortable doing Carmen Electra's Aeorbic Strip Tease in front of anyone, and I like to do it first thing in the morning, and when I get home from work. Another thing, I only have one bathroom. And I like to take my sweet ass time getting ready for work in the morning.

So I guess what I'm looking for is someone to come over, have one piece of cake, say they like my hair, make out for a little bit, and then leave. Yeah. That sounds about right. Maybe he can stay over one or two nights a week...if I feel up to sharing my bed. But he'd better not snore...because I need my rest.

Jaded? Yes.

Birthday Woes.

So, 4 sleeps until I hit the ripe old age of 24...I'm excited because I won't have to be 23 anymore. Let's just face it, 23 is an extemely awkward age. At least it was for me. But then again, so were the 22 years before that. I'm just such an awkward person. It's awesome.
Anyways, I'm feeling a wee bit down about the whole Birthday situation this year, simply because for the first time since I can remember, I'm not having a party of any sort. Grande Prairie hasn't exactly been fruitful in the friends department, and it seems unfair to force work associates and family members to hang out with me more than necessary. On Tuesday the family is gonna get together up at Grandma's for some cake, and I appreciate that to no end. But this is my birthday weekend...and so far, these are the plans:
Tonight (Friday): Force Nicole to go to the Lion's Den with me where I will drink until I can't feel feelings, come home, be sick for awhile, sleep until tomorrow.
Tomorrow (Saturday): Try to find someone else with whom to repeat Friday's chain of events. Alternative Plan: Sit at home watching shitty movies, drinking alone.
Now don't get me wrong, hanging out with Nicole is one of my favorite pastimes. We always manage to piss at least 2 people off, and that's always fun. I'm positive that she'll ensure I'm drunk enough and not let me stop drinking until at least 45 minutes after the bar closes. So tonight will be enjoyable. It's just so strange to me...I've never had a lack of friends before. My dance card has been full, and I've always had at least one big party to celebrate my vaginal birth. Heck, when I was in Japan, I had FIVE birthday parties...so I guess I'll just have to re-use one of those one's to make up for this year.

Well, I'm feeling as though it might be time to start with the drinking. I have a bottle of wine that's been calling my name all week, and some feelings that obviously need to be drowned in said bottle.

Experimentation...is it right for Janelle?

Today ladies and gentlemen, I have a little treat for you. I am about to write a blog for you unlike any I have ever written before. I am going to inhale a few vapors from a little BC bud and see what comes out of my mind. As you may or may not be aware, I don't usually partake in such activities as the smoking of the weed, but since my cousin so kindly gave me a bit, I feel as though it would be good for me to use it in the name of scientific blogging. So sit back, relax and give me a few moments to collect my thoughts.

*Crappy intermission music playing here*

Ok, I'm back. For some reason, I really enjoy the smell of that stuff. But I don't enjoy the way it makes my lungs feel like they are going to collapse. It's not a very enjoyable feeling. Hmm...basically, I am finding that my body feels a bit weighted down and everything has a nice little haze to it. Hahahaha although the cat just fell in the toilet. And that's funny! Ok, so back to the experiment. I am not really supposed to smoke this stuff because I tend to get overly paranoid. I think people are out to get me and I cry. It's terrible. But this doesn't feel the same.

Hmm...I'm thinking this probably wasn't the smartest idea I've ever had. I'm kinda bored. I'd like to give the cats a bath but I think it would upset them. If I drank wine right now, would I be more or less high? If the answer is LESS than I think I should try it. If the answer is MORE then I think wine would be a bad idea. Although, wine does sound good right about now. My kittens love me. Gizmo is cuddling with me as we speak. Although I guess we aren't speaking, seeing as I'm typing. And you will read. So I guess what I meant to say was, Gizmo is cuddling with me as we type/read, but since she's not cuddling with me anymore let's just forget about it.

If I wrote a novel, would you folks read it? Would you recommend it to your friends? Would you read it to your children? Your brother's children? Would you read it to Jeff while he was in the shower? *that was directed at Ross, just incase you were confused.*

Aah, I miss Jeff...I hope he's ok. He's probably scared and alone. Hahahaha I just pictured Jeff crying and it made me laugh. Oh that was mean of me. Sorry Jeff. I don't think you need to cry. I hope you are eating perogies for breakfast lunch and dinner. Lucky bastard. I wish I could eat a perogie.


I painted my kitchen last weekend. It's bright blue...it's called Jamaican Sea. It's a bit too bright and it really clashes with the carpet. I like it. I have a pair of underwear the exact same color. Mr. Tanaka says "hello" to everyone. He's upset because his body is wet...but maybe if he'd stay out of the god damned bathroom these things wouldn't happen.

I watched Jarhead and Prozac Nation this weekend. I must admit, Jarhead could have used a bit more "Emotion". *please forgive me for mentioning the word. I mean, when his girlfriend dumped him it barely registered. I wanted to see men crying in the tents. I wanted to see sobbing and male bonding. *gags* It was alright, but I only give it a 6/10.
Prozac nation on the other hand was pretty good. She was just such a bitch!! Ms.Ricci played the role of a Bi-polar excellently. I do wish she had been more promiscuous during her manic stage...just to add a bit more oomph into my life (which is completely without any oomph...except self) at this time. Please forget I wrote that.

Hahaha oomph. What a stupid word. Last night I watched 200 Cigarettes. I'll give it about a 6 out of ten. It lost a few points just for having Ben Afflek in it. He's a serious DoucheBag. Also, my grandma could have put on a better punk front than that orange haired freak. I hate clowns! But once again, Christina Ricci was in it, and I have to admit that I like her...I like her because she eats.

My fingers are a bit cold...I should probably go. I'll probably delete this later on...or maybe I'll laugh about it and let it be a lesson learned. All I hope is that one person reads it, and it changes their life forever. Say "NO" to drugs kids!!